I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
