they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
