party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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