do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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