i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
