he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
