You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
