mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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