$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
