You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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