u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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