Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dignity is for republicans.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize