4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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