don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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