Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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