We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
