and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
