He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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