So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the liver wants what the liver wants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
