dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
