I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
