nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
