so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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