So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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