Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize