plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
