we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
