i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
