I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
