I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
bring money and cleavage
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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