So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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