I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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