i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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