So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
