Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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