he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
