What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
