DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
