i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
