what day is it and did you see me today?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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