I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
