the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Vodka?
Forever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
