he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
