also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
