I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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