your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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