just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
