u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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