ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
