Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize