i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
