I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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