He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
