Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
