part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
