I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
