Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
its not stalking. its research.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
