Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
