Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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