He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
