i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
