i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
