i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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