sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
